Three steps to fall in love without it being a tortuous path, according to psychology experts

What sign should be taken into account to move forward or let go of a relationship

Many people seek or are surprised by falling in love. But building a love bond sustained over time -sometimes- costs and can be tortuous. From different currents of psychology, three experts shared with Infobae what are the recommendations to take into account when falling in love and taking risks.

The attraction for the other can come quickly. According to a neuroscience study conducted by Semir Seki of University College in the United Kingdom, it only takes a person a fifth of a second to know if someone is attractive to them. It involves a dopamine surge that implies intense desire and fixation on the other person.

Several studies also indicate that some areas of the brain become increasingly excited when someone sees the face of the person they love or are attracted to. “Love begins in the brain, not in the heart,” said psychologist Susan Albers-Bowling of the Cleveland Clinic in the United States.

If the first stage of falling in love is based on attraction, the second consists of taking off your glasses or glasses and really seeing the person you are attracted to.

1- With whom to establish a relationship after falling in love
Dr. Eduardo Keegan, tenured professor of psychotherapy and director of the specialization in clinical psychology and cognitive therapy at the Faculty of Psychology of the University of Buenos Aires, explained: “One falls in love with the idea that one forms of the other person, not of the real person. What attracts us and what suits us may not coincide.

Falling in love, Keegan clarified, supposes a transitory idealization of the other. “It is a state that skews our vision of the other, as the famous song “When A Man Loves A Woman” states (When a man loves a woman).

The issue is not so much who we fall in love with but who we decide to maintain a relationship with once we get to know that person better,” he said.

People with happy childhoods tend to have a more positive and healthy view of themselves, and may be more inclined to choose stable people like themselves, she said.

2- Permanently relaunch the link
For Gabriela Goldstein, a doctor in psychology and president of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association, “falling in love has a hypnotic moment. It feels like I’m in a bubble with the other person,” and she detailed issues to keep in mind.

First, you have to allow yourself to fall in love: “You have to be encouraged to love, even if it can cause pain later,” said Goldstein.

“Falling in love is also being moved by the other. But you have to know that it does not last long. Then you can follow a stage of interest in the other with love.

It’s like a softer form of falling in love and not so passionate, “he clarified. Although there are cases of couples in which falling in love begins more smoothly than in others.

After the stage of falling in love, it is key to build a relationship with the other as they are and to avoid idealization. ”When one falls in love and does not see the total image of the other, it completes the other. Getting to know her more, she may be disappointed.

On the other hand, by not remaining fixed to an ideal of the other, disappointments are prevented because the person avoided being stuck to the ideal of the first moment”, explained the specialist.

Another recommendation is that you permanently relaunch the link. This makes you continue to choose the person you fell in love with. “For example, you can go out to eat on Valentine’s Day to celebrate with desire for the other. But it should be accompanied by the desire to look at it, recognize it and show love to it, ”she said.

3- Accept differences and build one “we” at the same time
Fernanda Rivas, a graduate in psychology, a specialist in couples and families and a member of the Argentine Psychoanalytic Association, suggested that keeping in mind that falling in love is an essential stage at the beginning of a relationship, but it is also a “mirage”.

“You tend to see in the other everything you would like to be and have. Time is a crucial factor to get to know each other and to be able to choose”, she indicated.

For a relationship to last and become stronger, “the passage from falling in love to love must take place. “This stage implies work, accepting the differences between the two and knowing that the other is another person. It is not an extension of oneself,” Rivas said.